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Heart turned cold

February 25, 2016

 

The loud screams broke the silence of the night. The crying, the yelling, the back and forth cursing, he said she said every night was the same. Unaware of the short and long-term effects those outburst was causing to us children the fighting continued repeatedly which each night getting more intense. I would look up at the top bunk at my older brother for confinement but he was just as confused as me. My 2 sisters sat helplessly by their door. No one to come to our rescue we desperately waited for the drama to end. An apartment bind together by marriage but separated by blood it was in my best interest for me to check on my DNA."Mommy you ok i would yell through the bedroom door." After a few pleas for sounds of life a loud roar of aggression would send me fleeing back in my bed. After an hour of fighting the drama slowly died down. The next morning we all woke up as if nothing ever happened. Each of us dealing with last night’s disputes in our own way. The apartment was in its usual morning chaos. Us kids still half sleep scrambling to get ourselves together for school. My older sister would hold up the bathroom stuck in the mirror and god knows doing what else while my little sister stood outside the door pleading to get inside. My brother searched through empty cabinets and refrigerator trying to put together any decent meal he could find. I crept inside my parent’s room just to make sure my mother was still alive. I had a traumatizing dream one night that my stepfather beat my mom so bad she died in her sleep. So every morning after a night of them fighting i would hold my pointer finger under her nose to make sure she was still breathing. Then i would rummage through my stepfathers jeans for any lose change so i could buy some snacks for school. After about 40 minutes of are morning routine we would finally make it out the door not knowing when we returned home our lives would never be the same. When we returned home from school 3 suitcases was lined up by the door. From the look on my mother's face i knew they wasn’t packed for vacation. There was no sit down, no long talk just straight out "We are getting a divorce Justin you staying her with me while the rest of the kid's are moving to Kentucky with their grandparents". When I heard my mothers words i looked around at my brother and sisters and we all started crying simultaneously. I didn't want to be separated but i was my mother's only child so me going was never an option. We didn't have much time to say our goodbyes. We exchanged hugs and kisses and then they cried their way out the door. When they left out a part of me went with them. Later that night i roamed around an empty apartment. The silence was driving me crazy. For the first time in my life i felt alone. Still confused by the terms of divorce i became angry. As far back as i could remember i always had my brother and sisters. Now there i stood an 8-year-old boy whose heart just turned cold from losing the closest people i ever loved.

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